The 🌺Lotionese Empire🌺 of Lotion Empire is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Lubey II Privykia with an iron fist, and renowned for its frequent executions, public floggings, and hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 9.647 billion Lotionese are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, corrupt government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, with Industry and Law & Order also on the agenda, while International Aid and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Petrograd. The average income tax rate is 99.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Lotionese economy, worth a remarkable 3,466 trillion Ludons a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 359,293 Ludons, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

The "war on terror" doesn't seem to be making Lotionese any less frightened, strange lights seen in the sky are officially regarded as weather balloons or hoaxes and nothing else, Lotionese police have to pay out of their own pockets for bulletproof vests, and politicians look weirdly alike. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Lotion Empire's national animal is the Black Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Orthodox.

Lotion Empire is ranked 314,087^th in the world and 5,889^th in The North Pacific for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring -12.81 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.