The Holy Republic of North Bratislava is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Old Saxophone Joe with a fair hand, and remarkable for its national health service, complete lack of prisons, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 17.222 billion North Bratislavans love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The enormous, socially-minded, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dinkytown. The average income tax rate is 98.9%.

The frighteningly efficient North Bratislavan economy, worth a remarkable 3,654 trillion pounds a year, is highly specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 212,204 pounds, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Sales of trenchcoats are on the rise, Dinkytown spends billions upgrading public transport, visiting the best North Bratislavan restaurants requires keeping a visa on file, and being Old Saxophone Joe has been voted one of the top ten most dangerous jobs. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. North Bratislava's national animal is the bison, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Bratislavan Orthodoxy.

North Bratislava is ranked 314,174^th in the world and 5,892^nd in The North Pacific for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring -13.04 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.