The United Protectorate of Tepertopia is a titanic, safe nation, ruled by Gerhard von Selingen with a fair hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, pith helmet sales, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 14.691 billion Tepertopians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The relatively small, outspoken government prioritizes Industry, with Welfare, Healthcare, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Administration and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Happelstein. The average income tax rate is 3.4%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Tepertopian economy, worth a remarkable 3,647 trillion Crowns a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Retail. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 248,313 Crowns, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The diplomatic corps stinks, the nation leads the South Pacific in per capita stalking, the right to counsel goes both ways, and prison reforms have replaced communal luaus with communal loos. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Tepertopia's national animal is the Cat, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Cake Supremacy.

Tepertopia is ranked 331,186^th in the world and 4,250^th in the South Pacific for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 16.44 on the Bus Surprisal Index.