The Gold Onion of Jakalaka is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Onions with an even hand, and remarkable for its infamous sell-swords, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 4.58 billion Numbskulls have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and look forward to their next free and open election, to be held on an as-yet unannounced date.

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Wor jōkvщïr. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 9.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Rabid Consumorist economy, worth a remarkable 1,307 trillion Käshes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Retail, and Gambling. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 285,413 Käshes, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 903,510 per year while the poor average 68,789, a ratio of 13.1 to 1.

Foreign militias and child smuggling rings will always love Onions, there's sophisticated talk of revolution within the ever-expanding mining colonies, starving citizens are offered nuclear pasta, and stray dogs and children root through the trash for snacks. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Jakalaka's national animal is the Onion big scary kill, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Onionism.

Jakalaka is ranked 797^th in the world and 13^th in the South Pacific for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 21,177.76 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.