The Garfieldism Enjoyer of Jakalaka is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Santa Claus with an iron fist, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, enslaved workforce, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 1.053 billion Numbskulls are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business government prioritizes Defense, although Industry, Education, and Administration are also considered important, while Environment and International Aid are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Wēr jōkvщïr. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 19.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Rabid Consumerist economy, worth 216 trillion Käshes a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Information Technology, and Gambling. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an amazing 205,491 Käshes, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,853,551 per year while the poor average 2,783, a ratio of 665 to 1.

Tour guides tell passengers that there is beautiful architecture just behind the two-hundred-foot concrete walls, employers are never quite sure if graduates' qualifications have any merit or meaning, assault rifles sized for 7-year-olds are a frighteningly popular export, and foreign governments regularly accuse the Rabid Consumerist military of war crimes. Crime is pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Jakalaka's national animal is the Australis leviathan, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Jakalaka is ranked 338,869^th in the world and 5,145^th in the South Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 13.74 law-abiding acts per hour.