The Compassionate Republic of Headpat Central is a colossal, safe nation, ruled by Leader with a fair hand, and notable for its otherworldly petting zoo, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 6.549 billion Headpat Centralians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Headpat City. The average income tax rate is 99.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Headpat Centralian economy, worth a remarkable 1,492 trillion florins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Tourism. Average income is an amazing 227,878 florins, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The nation's diplomats shake hands with those whose hands are drenched in the blood of innocents, it is believed that belligerence is a passing phase foreign leaders will soon outgrow, court verdicts are predictable to within a hundredth of a percentage point, and Headpat Centralian tourists are encouraged to hand out spare condoms to locals while on vacation. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Headpat Central's national animal is the fox, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Headpat Central is ranked 206,388^th in the world and 8,075^th in The East Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -786.66 on the Scary Big Number Scale.