The Protectorate of Decaf Coffee is a mid-sized, environmentally stunning nation, renowned for its ubiquitous missile silos, compulsory military service, and complete absence of social welfare. The quiet, industrious population of 81 million Decaf Coffees are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized, socially-minded government prioritizes Defense, although Education, Law & Order, and Administration are also considered important, while International Aid and Welfare aren't funded at all. The average income tax rate is 43.1%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Decaffeinated economy, worth 4.41 trillion sugarcubes a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 54,432 sugarcubes, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Televisions are often seized to pay for overdue television license fees, code enforcement officers circle wealthy Decaf Coffees like vultures, the mining industry has taken a hit from tighter environmental regulations, and children aren't allowed to chew their pencils until they get home from school. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Decaf Coffee's national animal is the weasel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Decaf Coffee is ranked 122,711^th in the world and 1,505^th in The East Pacific for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 612.17 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.