The Socialist Commonwealth of Kelssek is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by the Prime Minister with a fair hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, restrictive gun laws, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 40.06 billion Kelssekians hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, liberal, outspoken morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Neorvins. The average income tax rate is 96.5%.

The powerhouse Kelssek economy, worth a remarkable 5,083 trillion thalers a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 126,900 thalers, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The Prime Minister can often be seen hanging around playgrounds chatting with the kids, incarcerated crime lords manage their empires from massage tables, it is technically inaccurate to call the dead 'worm food', and lifelong celibates are surprised to receive government-issue condoms in the post. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kelssek's national animal is the polar bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Kelssek is ranked 33,304^th in the world and 577^th in The East Pacific for Highest Drug Use, scoring 106 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.