The Holy Empire of The Kelvan Republic is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Ahmed Krause with an even hand, and notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, compulsory military service, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, hard-working, devout population of 3.282 billion Kelvans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Spirituality, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Liba. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 44.1%.

The strong Kelvan economy, worth 199 trillion Sea shells a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with major contributions from Furniture Restoration, Woodchip Exports, and Retail. Average income is 60,695 Sea shells, with the richest citizens earning 7.6 times as much as the poorest.

Grocery stores can be audibly identified by the giggling emerging from them, families make most of their annual income from government benefits, people have become comfortably numb, and politicians "baring all" for the camera isn't always a figure of speech. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Kelvan Republic's national animal is the Axolotol, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

The Kelvan Republic is ranked 97,406^th in the world and 1,545^th in The North Pacific for Most Developed, scoring 62.06 on the Human Development Index.