The United Provinces of Grainstan is a mammoth, safe nation, ruled by Simeon Yoder with an even hand, and renowned for its national health service, absence of drug laws, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate population of 7.304 billion Grainstanians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Salah. The average income tax rate is 97.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Grainstanian economy, worth a remarkable 1,258 trillion Convertible Mark of One Thousand Mills a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 172,327 Convertible Mark of One Thousand Mills, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

Lifeguards are more concerned with watching for sharks than struggling swimmers, the 'kind of scrawny' 500 meter hurdle is a popular event, a generation of children conceived in hell and born in strife is growing up inside government-run care villages, and cosmopolitan citizens ask what their countries can do for them. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Grainstan's national animal is the Kakapo, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Grainstan is ranked 2,831^st in the world and 76^th in the South Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring 220 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.