The Federal Republic of Zolystia is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by President Dmitry Doughnut with a fair hand, and remarkable for its smutty television, national health service, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, democratic population of 3.859 billion Zolystians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hodasa. The average income tax rate is 82.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Zolystian economy, worth 484 trillion Lems a year, is fairly diversified and dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Trout Farming, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 125,633 Lems, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

The price of takeaway food quadruples after 6pm, 'A is for Annulment' is a popular children's song, workers have their fruitcake and eat it too, and the new cheese tax is colloquially known as "wheel welfare". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Zolystia's national animal is the Zolystian Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Eastern Orthodox Christianity.

Zolystia is ranked 69,792^nd in the world and 192^nd in Europe for Highest Drug Use, scoring 237.09 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.