The Federal Republic of Nine Provinces is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Erling Haaland with an even hand, and remarkable for its public floggings, sprawling nuclear power plants, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed population of 1.313 billion Nine Provincesians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cantabria. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 45.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Nine Provincesian economy, worth 152 trillion yuan a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Basket Weaving. Average income is an impressive 115,652 yuan, with the richest citizens earning 6.3 times as much as the poorest.

Crossword puzzles have been co-opted as a symbol of racial discrimination, hundreds of subterranean tunnels are being built as part of "Project Morlock", the Gallery of Instasnap is the most popular museum in the country, and global warming is heating up. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Nine Provinces's national animal is the orca, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways, and its national religion is Taoism.

Nine Provinces is ranked 103,289^th in the world and 307^th in Europe for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 3,179.26 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.