The Most Serene Republic of Valmostria is a huge, orderly nation, remarkable for its irreverence towards religion. The hard-working, cynical population of 598 million Valmostrians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Healthcare, and Law & Order. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 8.5%.

The strong Valmostrian economy, worth 34.6 trillion marks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Soda Sales industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Tourism, and Gambling. Average income is 57,914 marks, with the richest citizens earning 7.9 times as much as the poorest.

It is illegal to make racist remarks in public, tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests, Harry Potter books are banned, and politicians preface their speeches with a declaration that any resemblance to speeches given by individuals living or dead is purely coincidental. Crime is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Valmostria's national animal is the horse.

Valmostria is ranked 258,977^th in the world and 481^st in Starlight for Smartest Citizens, with 20.86 quips per hour.