The Grand Duchy of Thessalian is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Grand Duke Erasmus with an even hand, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, museums and concert halls, and state-planned economy. The compassionate, cheerful population of 37.032 billion Thessalites have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Environment, and Social Policy are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kallisti. The average income tax rate is 99.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Thessaline economy, worth an astonishing 10,377 trillion gold muslis a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing and Tourism. Average income is an amazing 280,218 gold muslis, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Workers for the environmental protection agency are patted down for tartar sauce every morning, Grand Duke Erasmus has been nicknamed 'Robomop', the latest national park is visited by more sharks than people, and the Treasury has been accused of flushing money down the toilet. Crime is totally unknown. Thessalian's national animal is the reindeer turtle shark, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Esterazism.

Thessalian is ranked 28,244^th in the world and 189^th in the West Pacific for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 5,399.14 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.