The Empire of Patoriotto is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Alexander Ouellette with an even hand, and notable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, humorless population of 18.918 billion Patoriottians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The enormous, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, although Healthcare, Law & Order, and Education are also considered important, while Spirituality receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Danketsu. The average income tax rate is 98.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Patoriottian economy, worth a remarkable 3,146 trillion Patoriottian Dollars a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 166,320 Patoriottian Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Alexander Ouellette's peyote-induced "let's all just be friends" speech is trending world-wide, rebuilding efforts for a recently destroyed cathedral aren't expected to be completed for another century, there is something rotten in the state of Patoriotto, and the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Patoriotto's national animal is the Red Panda, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Aresity.

Patoriotto is ranked 4,245^th in the world and 131^st in the Rejected Realms for Lowest Crime Rates, with 120.5 law-abiding acts per hour.