The Eminent Bakery of Crumpetopia is a mammoth, orderly nation, ruled by HC Gabriel Lancaster with an iron fist, and notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, cheerful, devout population of 8.533 billion Crumpetopians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New London. The average income tax rate is 99.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Crumpetopian economy, worth a remarkable 3,395 trillion Crumpets a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 397,944 Crumpets, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Government fact-checkers use surprising amounts of high explosive, the government subsidizes everything from particle physics to fabric softeners, unpackaged foodstuffs rot on store shelves, and old folks yearn for the days when young people saw bloodthirsty death matches with their own eyes instead of through a screen. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crumpetopia's national animal is the Eternal Anglo, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Church of the Baker.

Crumpetopia is ranked 2,458^th in the world and 6^th in Fifth Empire for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 11,236.35 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.