The Commonwealth of Allwarts is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by President Warton with an even hand, and renowned for its frequent executions, public floggings, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 34.276 billion Allwartsians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Wartovia. The average income tax rate is 22.6%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Allwartsian economy, worth a remarkable 8,403 trillion Warts a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Retail. Average income is an amazing 245,168 Warts, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

Flu research is commonly shut down for fear of creating a superbug, noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law, government policy is dictated by The Church of the All Seeing, and the government takes agricultural advice from a wasp-themed superhero. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Allwarts's national animal is the Warthog, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Church of the All Seeing.

Allwarts is ranked 4,530^th in the world and 30^th in the Rejected Realms for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 7,769.05 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.