The Grand Duchy of The Seven Provinces is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Spurdo Spärde with a fair hand, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, sprawling nuclear power plants, and keen interest in outer space. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 27.058 billion Seven Provincians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Education, with Environment, Industry, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Law & Order are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Benishof. The average income tax rate is 66.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Seven Provincian economy, worth a remarkable 6,250 trillion colombian flakes a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Retail. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 231,012 colombian flakes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

In coastal waters there are fifteen salvage divers per dead man's chest (yo ho ho), an online tea-bagging epidemic is getting worse and (meta)worse, primetime re-runs of The Black and White Minstrel Show are a critical hit, and political spontaneity takes a lot of planning. Crime, especially youth-related, is a major problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. The Seven Provinces's national animal is the pædobär, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Benism.

The Seven Provinces is ranked 3,572^nd in the world and 50^th in Europe for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 17,227.33 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.