The Imperial Nation of Balan Bar is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Teddy R Hammarskjöld II with an even hand, and remarkable for its ubiquitous missile silos, smutty television, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, democratic population of 16.453 billion Balan Barians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Urbs de lumine. The average income tax rate is 93.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Balan Barian economy, worth a remarkable 2,570 trillion francs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 156,217 francs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Captains must wait until all rats are safe before jumping ship, etiquette guides advise visitors to 'grovel gracefully', foreign governments are threatened if they so much as mention the word "election", and the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Balan Bar's national animal is the Fox, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Nine Divine.

Balan Bar is ranked 6,528^th in the world and 29^th in Conch Kingdom for Lowest Crime Rates, with 110.16 law-abiding acts per hour.