The Republic of Heistanstan is a huge, safe nation, renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, state-planned economy, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed population of 265 million Heistanstanians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Healthcare, and Law & Order. The average income tax rate is 69.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but underdeveloped Heistanstanian economy, worth 7.26 trillion francs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, highly specialized black market in Trout Farming and Basket Weaving. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 27,405 francs, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The art of conversation has been rediscovered, holidays are regarded as the most miserable time of the year, journalists giggle uncontrollably while reporting the nation's drug bonfires, and seats at the back of the bus are reserved for homosexuals. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Heistanstan's national animal is the cobra, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Heistanstan is ranked 256,532^nd in the world and 5,613^th in The North Pacific for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -7.27 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.