The Imperial Tsardom of Sparkvernia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Tsar Kasimir Sparkos with an iron fist, and notable for its pith helmet sales, unlimited-speed roads, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 28.328 billion Sparkvernians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Czargorod. The average income tax rate is 2.7%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Sparkvernian economy, worth a remarkable 8,819 trillion novorubles a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 311,336 novorubles, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.9 times as much as the poorest.

Heated town halls quickly descend into shootouts between politicians and their constituents, graverobbers claim they're acting within the interest of 'scientific preservation', visiting the best Sparkvernian restaurants requires keeping a visa on file, and baby boys who pick up pink crayons are sent to a psychiatric ward. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Sparkvernia's national animal is the white hawk, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Sparkvernian Tsarism.

Sparkvernia is ranked 291,451^st in the world and 226^th in Confederation of Corrupt Dictators for Most Primitive, scoring -825.1 on the Scary Big Number Scale.