The Slurm Factory

Luncion is back in action!

As a representative of His Holiness, the Venerable Maxim Gromyko, we wish to affirm that the incorporation of the territories formerly constituted as the nation of Luncion has transpired fully in accordance with international law, established principles of self-determination, and the sovereign will of the people concerned.

Following a duly conducted referendum among the eligible population, 98.92% of voters expressed their unequivocal support for incorporation into the Holy Thiefdom of Hrotsijka, thereby bringing to a lawful conclusion the administrative existence of the former Luncion territories.

The Government of Hrotsijka therefore considers the matter settled, peacefully, legally, and with the overwhelming blessing of the people themselves. The former inhabitants of Luncion are henceforth welcomed as citizens of the Fatherland and may look forward to the protection, stability, prosperity, and enlightened guidance afforded by His Holiness and the institutions of the Holy Thiefdom.

Any suggestion that the incorporation constitutes an act of annexation, coercion, or territorial aggression is categorically rejected as factually baseless, legally illiterate, and demonstrably contrary to the expressed will of the Luncion people.

Hrotsijka remains committed to the principles of sovereignty, self-determination, and peaceful international cooperation. We trust that all responsible nations will respect the clear and overwhelming decision of the people of Luncion and refrain from interfering in their freely chosen future.

The Fatherland does not expand. The Fatherland welcomes those who have chosen to return to it.

Viktor Aleksandrovich Malenkov
Supreme Commissioner of Peaceful Territorial Reconciliation, Extraordinary Envoy of the Fatherland, Custodian of the Sovereign Will of the People, First Deputy Director of the Directorate for International Harmonisation and Keeper of the Sacred Seal of Incorporation

For the Fatherland. For the People. For Eternal Unity.

OFFICIAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE MINISTRY OF DEFENCE

Regarding Allegations Issued by the United States of Kickassistan Concerning Hrotsijkan Military Activity

The Ministry of Defence of the Holy Thiefdom of Hrotsijka has been made aware of statements issued by representatives of the United States of Kickassistan alleging that elements of the Hrotsijkan Armed Forces have conducted “incursions” into territory presently administered by Kickassistan, “attacked” several military installations, “raided” the city of Trumpville, and deliberately set fire to a number of petroleum extraction facilities.

The Ministry rejects this characterisation.

The Hrotsijkan Armed Forces remain engaged in lawful activities necessary for the continued defence, security and territorial integrity of the Fatherland.

These activities include routine patrol operations, readiness exercises, logistical movements, infrastructure assessment, defensive reconnaissance, navigational verification and, where operational circumstances require it, Administrative Presence Enhancement.

None of these activities constitutes an “incursion.”

The Ministry notes that representatives of Kickassistan appear to rely substantially upon lines drawn on maps when determining whether Hrotsijkan military personnel have supposedly entered territory in which they should not be present.

Maps are administrative instruments.

They are not natural phenomena.

A line printed upon paper does not possess the capacity to obstruct the movement of personnel, vehicles or aircraft.

Nor does foreign recognition of such a line impose upon the Holy Thiefdom an obligation to adopt the geographical assumptions from which it was drawn.

Questions concerning the precise territorial jurisdiction of the Holy Thiefdom are matters of Hrotsijkan sovereignty and are not determined by the cartographic preferences of foreign governments.

The Ministry therefore cannot confirm that Hrotsijkan personnel crossed a border recognised by Hrotsijka.

With regard to allegations concerning several Kickassistani military installations, the Ministry confirms that Hrotsijkan forces encountered armed facilities during the course of authorised operations.

Certain facilities subsequently ceased to possess their previous military capabilities.

This does not establish that they were “attacked.”

Military infrastructure situated within an area of legitimate Hrotsijkan security concern cannot reasonably expect its continued operational condition to take precedence over the safety of Hrotsijkan personnel.

The Ministry further observes that armed personnel associated with these facilities engaged in activities which Hrotsijkan commanders reasonably interpreted as hostile.

The resulting defensive measures were proportionate, efficient and concluded once the relevant military capability no longer presented an operational concern.

The Ministry regrets any misunderstanding arising from the effectiveness of those measures.

Allegations concerning the city of Trumpville are similarly exaggerated.

Hrotsijkan military personnel did not “raid” Trumpville.

Hrotsijkan personnel entered portions of the urban area for limited operational purposes, conducted necessary inspections, secured materials of immediate security relevance, temporarily restricted movement in several districts, interacted with local administrative structures, and subsequently departed those portions of the city in which their continued presence was no longer operationally required.

The Ministry recognises that foreign observers may choose to describe these activities using more emotionally satisfying terminology.

That does not make such terminology accurate.

The Ministry categorically rejects the further allegation that Hrotsijkan forces deliberately set fire to Kickassistani oil fields.

Petroleum is an economically useful strategic resource.

The Hrotsijkan Armed Forces possess no institutional objection to petroleum.

The Ministry can confirm that fires occurred at several petroleum extraction facilities during the period in question.

Fire occurring in geographical proximity to Hrotsijkan military personnel does not establish that Hrotsijkan military personnel caused the fire.

It establishes geography.

Fire occurring after the arrival of Hrotsijkan military personnel does not establish that their arrival caused the fire.

It establishes chronology.

The Ministry has previously observed that foreign governments experience recurring difficulty distinguishing these concepts.

The United States of Kickassistan has additionally circulated photographic and satellite material purporting to demonstrate the presence of Hrotsijkan armoured vehicles, aircraft and uniformed personnel within the affected areas.

The Ministry has reviewed selected examples of this material.

Some of the vehicles depicted appear consistent with equipment operated by the Hrotsijkan Armed Forces.

This establishes that the United States of Kickassistan is capable of recognising military vehicles.

The Ministry congratulates it.

It does not establish the remainder of its allegations.

The Government of the Holy Thiefdom therefore encourages the United States of Kickassistan to refrain from transforming a collection of geographically adjacent and chronologically consecutive events into an imagined narrative of Hrotsijkan aggression.

There is no pattern.

There are military movements.

There are military installations which are no longer operational.

There are materials which have undergone necessary security transfer.

There are petroleum facilities which are presently on fire.

These are separate facts.

The decision to place them consecutively within a sentence does not establish causation between them.

The Hrotsijkan Armed Forces remain committed to the defence of the Fatherland, the preservation of regional stability and the avoidance of unnecessary military confrontation.

The Ministry would further remind all neighbouring states that regional stability is most effectively preserved when military installations, armed personnel and strategically significant infrastructure do not interfere with lawful Hrotsijkan security activities.

No threat is intended by this observation.

It is a statement concerning regional stability.

The Ministry considers the matter clarified.

Issued by the Ministry of Defence
Minister of Defence Ivan Korolenko
Shield of the Republic, Guardian of National Integrity
Holy Thiefdom of Hrotsijka

OFFICIAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE GOVERNMENT OF UNAXIA
Regarding Recent Geographical and Chronological Events in the Vicinity of Kickassistan

The Government of UnaXia has carefully reviewed the communiqué issued by the Ministry of Defence of the Holy Thiefdom of Hrotsijka.

We are relieved to learn that no invasion of Kickassistan has taken place.

Apparently, Hrotsijkan soldiers merely travelled into territory administered by another sovereign state, encountered military installations which subsequently ceased functioning, removed materials from a city they did not raid, and happened to be geographically adjacent to petroleum facilities which subsequently caught fire.

The distinction is reassuring.

The Government of UnaXia has therefore undertaken an immediate review of its own understanding of several commonly used concepts.

We have previously understood a border to mean an agreed limit between territories.

We now understand that it is merely an unfortunate cartographic suggestion which military vehicles may disregard when administratively inconvenient.

We had similarly understood an attack to involve the deliberate use of force against another party.

We are grateful for the clarification that when military infrastructure unexpectedly loses its military capabilities following contact with Hrotsijkan armed forces, this constitutes only a particularly energetic form of defensive reconnaissance.

Likewise, entering a foreign city with armed personnel, restricting the movement of its inhabitants and removing property should clearly not be described using inflammatory terminology such as "raid."

UnaXia therefore accepts the more precise Hrotsijkan expression:

Administrative Presence Enhancement.

It is an admirably versatile phrase.

The Government is, however, particularly impressed by the Ministry's explanation of the petroleum fires.

We entirely accept that proximity establishes geography and sequence establishes chronology.

Neither, by itself, establishes causation.

Accordingly, should a future and entirely hypothetical sequence of unrelated events involve Hrotsijkan military equipment unexpectedly ceasing to function shortly after encountering the armed forces of a neighbouring country, UnaXia trusts that the Ministry of Defence will demonstrate the same admirable commitment to epistemological restraint.

There would, after all, be no pattern.

There would merely be Hrotsijkan tanks.

There would be explosions.

There would subsequently be fewer operational Hrotsijkan tanks.

These would be separate facts.

The decision to place them consecutively within a sentence would not establish causation between them.

On regional stability

As a democratic socialist nation, UnaXia maintains the unfashionable belief that sovereignty belongs ultimately to peoples, rather than to whichever government possesses the most tanks with which to question the accuracy of maps.

Borders can legitimately be disputed.

Governments can legitimately disagree.

Historical claims can legitimately be debated.

None of these principles gives a powerful state the right to redefine military force as an administrative procedure merely because the alternative description is diplomatically inconvenient.

UnaXia therefore urges all parties to resolve territorial disagreements through negotiation and peaceful means, and to respect the security and political independence of neighbouring peoples.

We additionally assure the Holy Thiefdom that no threat is intended by this observation.

It is merely a statement concerning regional stability.

The Government of UnaXia considers the matter geographically and chronologically clarified.

Issued by the Government of UnaXia
In solidarity with workers, citizens, cartographers and other people unnecessarily constrained by geography