The Rat of Malphe is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Malphe Vytherov-Skollvaldr with an even hand, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, daily referendums, and smutty television. The compassionate population of 16.949 billion Rats enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The medium-sized, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Horsonopile. The average income tax rate is 71.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Rodentine economy, worth a remarkable 2,690 trillion Malphaen Denarii a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Cheese Exports. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 158,738 Malphaen Denarii, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

Patriots insist that size does matter, insanely good theatre productions face government censorship, grade school teachers mark homework with red "CITATION NEEDED" stamps, and Malphe Vytherov-Skollvaldr spends weekends doing the laundry of foreign leaders. Crime is totally unknown. Malphe's national animal is the Desert Woodrat, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Horned Rat.

Malphe is ranked 9,786^th in the world and 497^th in The North Pacific for Nicest Citizens, with 33.49 average smiles per day.