The Church of Slongs is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by The great Dong with an iron fist, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, complete lack of prisons, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 12.436 billion Slongsians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kongo. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 86.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Slongsian economy, worth a remarkable 1,581 trillion Bags of Gold a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 127,160 Bags of Gold, with the richest citizens earning 7.4 times as much as the poorest.

Ratings for schools' curricula range from 'Pure as the Driven Snow' to 'Late Night TV', town nameplates frequently raise giggles from passing tourists, ritual mummification is making a comeback, and religious leaders order congregants to love any neighbour who is just like themselves. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Slongs's national animal is the Pet rock, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Barfighting.

Slongs is ranked 15,897^th in the world and 352^nd in The East Pacific for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 8,984.02 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.