The Church of Slongs is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by The great Dong with an iron fist, and notable for its strictly enforced bedtime, irreverence towards religion, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 13.725 billion Slongsians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kongo. The average income tax rate is 88.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Slongsian economy, worth a remarkable 1,764 trillion Bags of Gold a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 128,572 Bags of Gold, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Nobody is allowed to stop the local daycare from reading Nietzsche to pre-schoolers, the government is coughing up funds for lung cancer victims, handling people's data is proving an immersive experience, and retirees make up the bulk of foreign students. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Slongs's national animal is the Pet rock, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Barfighting.

Slongs is ranked 281,402^nd in the world and 4,542^nd in The East Pacific for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring -6.93 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.