The Betzlerate of Valaiska is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Thomas Betzler with an even hand, and notable for its public floggings, sprawling nuclear power plants, and avant-garde cinema. The compassionate, devout population of 1.22 billion Valaiskans are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Krisnija. The average income tax rate is 68.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Valaiskan economy, worth 81.6 trillion Euros a year, is quite specialized and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Basket Weaving, and Automobile Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 66,873 Euros, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The nationalistic national anthem inspires citizens to literally spit at foreigners, returning vacationers often find that their property is now a construction site, caps with skulls on them are the height of fashion, and school football matches are usually five-a-side. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Valaiska's national animal is the Lion, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Christianity.

Valaiska is ranked 288,093^rd in the world and 15,495^th in Balder for Highest Drug Use, scoring 24.66 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.