The Imperial Republic of The Wooden Empire is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by The Emperor Woody the Second with a fair hand, and remarkable for its state-planned economy, keen interest in outer space, and national health service. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 6.92 billion Wooden Empireans are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Wooden city. The average income tax rate is 91.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Wooden Empirean economy, worth 891 trillion Imperial Dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 128,825 Imperial Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Any citizen who cries is immediately assigned a psychiatrist, multiple polls have christened the newly-formed Filibuster Committee as "the least efficient government bureaucracy", no one is worried about government policies any more, and all animals are equal but some are more equal than others. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Wooden Empire's national animal is the Siberian wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Secular.

The Wooden Empire is ranked 268,968^th in the world and 10,038^th in Osiris for Most Corrupt Governments, with 0.7 kickbacks per hour.