The United Republic of Shalishe-Kapel is a massive, safe nation, ruled by President Ion Kalstrus with an iron fist, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, barren, inhospitable landscape, and enslaved workforce. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 1.09 billion Shalishe-Kapelians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Arantung. The average income tax rate is 48.1%.

The strong Shalishe-Kapelian economy, worth 80.5 trillion kapilis a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Retail, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 73,897 kapilis, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.0 times as much as the poorest.

Prankster scientists legally change their names to silly pseudonyms before major discoveries, grade school teachers mark homework with red "CITATION NEEDED" stamps, convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes, and the nation is wading into dangerous waters. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Shalishe-Kapel's national animal is the Heron, which can occasionally be seen dodging aircraft in the nation's cities.

Shalishe-Kapel is ranked 263,087^th in the world and 9,253^rd in Balder for Most Primitive, scoring -201.6 on the Scary Big Number Scale.