The Colony of Secular Conservatism is a massive, efficient nation, renowned for its compulsory military service, irreverence towards religion, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 1.616 billion Secular Conservatismians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The tiny, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.0%.

The thriving Secular Conservatismian economy, worth 114 trillion Zloties a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Information Technology. Average income is 71,152 Zloties, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 251,857 per year while the poor average 14,513, a ratio of 17.4 to 1.

Crime is moderate, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Secular Conservatism's national animal is the White-Tailed Eagle, which can occasionally be seen dodging aircraft in the nation's cities.

Secular Conservatism is ranked 249,839^th in the world and 37^th in Sphere of Conservative Republics for Highest Drug Use, scoring 54.83 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.