The Imperial German-Kitten State of Patriums is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Kaiser Erik II with an iron fist, and notable for its complete lack of prisons, vat-grown people, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.752 billion Patriotens are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Industry, and Education are also considered important, while International Aid is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Imperial Istanbul And Hannover. The average income tax rate is 79.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Patrioten economy, worth a remarkable 1,070 trillion Henrismarks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 285,424 Henrismarks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Gun-wielding criminals always wear appropriate eye and ear protection, children as young as twelve are conscripted into the armed forces, caps with skulls on them are the height of fashion, and drill sergeants yell in the ears of bespectacled nerds in cybermilitary "reboot camps". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Patriums's national animal is the Holy Melissa Cat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Melissism and Christianity.

Patriums is ranked 987^th in the world and 2^nd in Authotaria for Most Patriotic, with 121.04 flags saluted per person per day.