The United Democratic Emirates of Onza is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by President Mustapha Ihejirika with a fair hand, and renowned for its smutty television, irreverence towards religion, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 31.086 billion Onzaians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, socially-minded, outspoken government prioritizes Education, with Social Policy, Welfare, and Industry also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Defense aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kunta. The average income tax rate is 98.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Onzaian economy, worth a remarkable 5,878 trillion Dollars a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Cheese Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 189,113 Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Modelling agencies send their clients to work in nursing homes, constipated disaster survivors are rapidly learning that MRE is short for "Meal Requiring Enemas", police aim to defeat hatred with love with their "hugs-for-thugs" program, and recognizing the Onzaian flag qualifies you for citizenship. Crime is totally unknown. Onza's national animal is the Golden Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Onza is ranked 4,422^nd in the world and 2^nd in New Coalition of Nations for Most Compassionate Citizens, scoring 85.93 on the Kitten Softness Rating.