The Incorporated States of New Squash is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Desmond Melon with an even hand, and notable for its zero percent divorce rate, frequent executions, and avant-garde cinema. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 3.276 billion New Squashers are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The tiny, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Melonhattan. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.9%.

The frighteningly efficient New Squashian economy, worth 307 trillion Melons a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Automobile Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Average income is 93,881 Melons, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 697,850 per year while the poor average 3,736, a ratio of 186 to 1.

The nation's police officers are famously miserable-looking, bread-gangs raid restaurant waste bins to stockpile uneaten rolls, a valid legal defense is 'dead men tell no tales', and the military has had to quell a recent insurrection by uninsured revolutionaries. Crime is a serious problem, probably because of the absence of a police force. New Squash's national animal is the Melon, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Melonism.

New Squash is ranked 268,485^th in the world and 6^th in Yecyma for Lowest Crime Rates, with 38.65 law-abiding acts per hour.