The Kingdom of Keltsvia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Albert Nunsinu with an even hand, and renowned for its aversion to nipples, sprawling nuclear power plants, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, humorless population of 20.877 billion Keltsvians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ceri Gelu. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 61.1%.

The Keltsvian economy, worth a remarkable 1,742 trillion Marks a year, is quite specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Tourism, and Cheese Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 83,480 Marks, with the richest citizens earning 8.0 times as much as the poorest.

The army lures cannon fodder with promises of a college education, anyone who sleeps in past 9am can be declared legally dead, K-SPAN viewership drops as MPs act their age, and a popular saying is "don't do the crime if you can't smash the lime(stone)". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Keltsvia's national animal is the Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Keltsvia is ranked 180,691^st in the world and 843^rd in Europe for Highest Disposable Incomes, with 32,473.97 Standard Monetary Units.