The Grand Heldervinian League of Heldervin is a mammoth, cultured nation, ruled by Niklaus A A Werner with an iron fist, and remarkable for its smutty television, compulsory military service, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 5.575 billion Heldervinians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Vrebsicourg. The average income tax rate is 94.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Heldervinian economy, worth 772 trillion Heldic marks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, quite specialized black market in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 138,486 Heldic marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Advanced mathematics books explain how two plus two equals five, overhead luggage compartments on planes sometimes conceal diminutive intelligence officers, soldiers are taught to throw their guns at their enemies once the bullets have run out, and all artwork is carefully screened for offensive material. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Heldervin's national animal is the wyvern, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Katherinicanism.

Heldervin is ranked 322,100^th in the world and 21^st in Union of Conlang Nations for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 20.31 on the Bus Surprisal Index.