The Grand Republic of Havenwelle is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Kevin Burke with an iron fist, and renowned for its hatred of cheese, absence of drug laws, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 19.249 billion Havenwelleans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Haven. The average income tax rate is 68.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Havenwellean economy, worth a remarkable 4,225 trillion Havs a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Information Technology. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 219,513 Havs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Women complaining about lack of opportunity are told to "man up", citizens are regularly arrested in queues for 'loitering', protests are illegal, and the government subsidises medicines of mass destruction. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Havenwelle's national animal is the Brittany Spaniel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Church of Havenwelle.

Havenwelle is ranked 1,840^th in the world and 28^th in the South Pacific for Most Patriotic, with 101.12 flags saluted per person per day.