The Coffee community of Coldlanda is a massive, safe nation, ruled by President Kol Everton with an iron fist, and renowned for its fear of technology, irreverence towards religion, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 1.19 billion Coldlandans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Whiskey City. The average income tax rate is 31.9%.

The Coldlandan economy, worth 43.1 trillion Coffees a year, is quite specialized and mostly made up of the Trout Farming industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Pizza Delivery, and Tourism. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 36,181 Coffees, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.2 times as much as the poorest.

The main interest rates change daily based on the latest news story, those who don't have a bean to spend don't know a bean about Brasilistanian coffee beans, eminent domain has been abolished, and Coldlandan police have to pay out of their own pockets for bulletproof vests. Crime, especially youth-related, is relatively low, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Coldlanda's national animal is the Penquin.

Coldlanda is ranked 166,735^th in the world and 2,151^st in the South Pacific for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring 602.4 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.