The Dictatorship of Cetaphil is a colossal, safe nation, notable for its digital currency, free-roaming dinosaurs, and ubiquitous missile silos. The compassionate, cynical population of 2.506 billion Cetaphilians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Moisture City. The average income tax rate is 96.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Cetaphilian economy, worth 388 trillion lotions a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing and Tourism. Average income is an impressive 155,075 lotions, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Many marriages go virtually unconsummated, strategic bombers are being converted into preschools, light entertainment shows are light on actual entertainment, and old folks reminisce about the last time someone was acquitted of a crime. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cetaphil's national animal is the Cerave, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Cetaphil is ranked 237,283^rd in the world and 12,836^th in Lazarus for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring -5.16 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.