The Province of Bohol is a mammoth, genial nation, ruled by Governor Tony Schiena with an even hand, and remarkable for its closed borders, museums and concert halls, and compulsory military service. The compassionate, devout population of 8.946 billion Boholanoes have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, corrupt morass — juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tagbilaran. The average income tax rate is 92.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Boholano economy, worth 803 trillion pesos a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Basket Weaving industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is 89,814 pesos, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

The military is slashing spending on conventional arms and diverting it to spending on prosthetic arms, disadvantaged neighbourhoods have become no-go areas after sundown, oil executives can be seen reluctantly cleaning oil-soaked birds, and most citizens in Bohol are abject pyrophobes after extremely graphic pamphlets were mailed nationwide by the government. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bohol's national animal is the tarsier, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Romam Catholic.

Bohol is ranked 326,606^th in the world and 1^st in Bohol for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 19.11 on the Bus Surprisal Index.