The Republic of Beernem is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, renowned for its smutty television, ban on automobiles, and disturbing lack of elderly people. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 1.174 billion Beernemians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Education. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 53.0%.

The all-consuming Beernemian economy, worth 115 trillion Ducats a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, quite specialized black market in Information Technology, Trout Farming, Tourism, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 98,280 Ducats, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 317,630 per year while the poor average 22,980, a ratio of 13.8 to 1.

Children asking questions about science are referred to relevant sections in religious texts, people's charity begins and ends at home, people who eat pizza with lactase supplements are arrested by the flavour police, and captains must wait until all rats are safe before jumping ship. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Beernem's national animal is the Bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Beernem is ranked 155,623^rd in the world and 427^th in Novaya Zemlya for Safest, scoring 59.59 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.