The Democratic Republic of Beattlast is a massive, efficient nation, notable for its suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 4.95 billion Beattlastians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The relatively small, pro-business, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 8.9%.

The thriving Beattlastian economy, worth 292 trillion rubles a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with major contributions from Furniture Restoration, Soda Sales, and Automobile Manufacturing. Average income is 58,998 rubles, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 208,835 per year while the poor average 12,034, a ratio of 17.4 to 1.

Machine-peeled candied grapes come in individual packaging for the busy commuter, the government awards prizes to television shows featuring stereotype-breaking minority roles, Harry Potter books are banned, and politicians that report exaggerated crowd sizes for their speeches are dismissed for being delusional. Crime is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Beattlast's national animal is the cobra, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Beattlast is ranked 189,620^th in the world and 6,208^th in Osiris for Most Primitive, scoring -76.16 on the Scary Big Number Scale.