The Phantasm of Afi-Aftos is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by El Guapo with an even hand, and remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, lack of airports, and zero percent divorce rate. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 39.971 billion Afi-Aftosians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large, corrupt government prioritizes Industry, with Administration, Healthcare, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Loompaland. The average income tax rate is 81.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Afi-Aftosian economy, worth a remarkable 8,324 trillion Fishterous Correlations a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Uranium Mining, Retail, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 208,272 Fishterous Correlations, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.5 times as much as the poorest.

Tourists often cite 'hiding money in an off-shore banking account' as their main reason to visit the nation, recent events in Dàguó have been classified 'for El Guapo's eyes only', three-year-olds have tantrums because they don't want to be drainage technicians when they grow up, and dandruff and athlete's foot are seen as signs of physical beauty. Crime is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Afi-Aftos's national animal is the Vermicious Knid, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Dudeism.

Afi-Aftos is ranked 751^st in the world and 1^st in Fredonia for Fattest Citizens, with 68.07 Obesity Rate.