The Hjonking Hjonker than Hjonk of Cyptopir is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Julianne Rivers with an even hand, and renowned for its fear of technology, free-roaming dinosaurs, and public floggings. The compassionate, democratic, devout population of 1.08 billion Cyptopiriots are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grønnheim. The average income tax rate is 77.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Cyptopiriot economy, worth 113 trillion Euros a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Tourism. Average income is an impressive 105,446 Euros, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Foreign leaders never seem to want to shake hands with Julianne Rivers, citizens have reported seeing strange rays of light emanating from the moon, the military has forsaken terrestrial warfare, and exports of chewing gum are inexplicably falling. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cyptopir's national animal is the Phoenix, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Secular.

Cyptopir is ranked 81,884^th in the world and 2,097^th in the Rejected Realms for Most Corrupt Governments, with 19.64 kickbacks per hour.