The Holy Dolorian Imperium of The Traditional States is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Dux-Imperatorem John W Blackheart with an iron fist, and remarkable for its prohibition of alcohol, zero percent divorce rate, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 11.441 billion Dolorians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sant'Augusto. The average income tax rate is 94.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Dolorian economy, worth a remarkable 2,454 trillion Imperiuses a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Retail, and Tourism. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 214,493 Imperiuses, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.8 times as much as the poorest.

Dux-Imperatorem John W Blackheart's new door-knocking campaign has the sweet taste of success, some magnifier-wielding Dolorians say Dux-Imperatorem John W Blackheart seems a little lacking in something, the nation's infamous boot camp is more brutal than most battlefields, and enterprising game developers are a hop, skip, and a double-jump away from arrest. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Traditional States's national animal is the Griffin, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Dolorian Chiefolicism.

The Traditional States is ranked 283,061^st in the world and 10,555^th in Lazarus for Nicest Citizens, with 0.32 average smiles per day.