Post

It had been nearly a month since the Neyde Spears Kingdom had fallen. Britney Jean had become a ghost city, trams lay dormant in their sheds, markets lay still with the stagnant reek of rotting food once fresh and meant for selling. Aside from small cults and the odd basement dweller the city was deserted.

That was until a procession of horses and carriages made their way through the streets, bumbling and rolling over potholes and cracks in the unkempt cobblestone roads. The carriages and horses were of various breeds, 24 in total. Each had some form of protection. This ranged from latex suited soldiers to old ladies with floral teapots filled with acid.

Eventually, the troupe reached Castle Arsehole. The castle itself was covered in ivy, "how on earth has all that gotten there?" Came a voice from the front carriage,
"None of your business nosy prick!" The Ivy replied.
Startled, Sir Greendown sat back in his seat. He had been enjoying himself so much in Kohen. There, plants couldn't gossip or talk back to you, he had his husband and daughter and for the last month no responsibilities. But, he had a duty, he told himself unconvincingly; a royal duty. Before there was time to try and convince himself further the coach had arrived at the castle gate, and the group headed in.

The faded pastel walls and carpets made a sad site as they entered, Sir Greendown sighed. How could this country be left to ruin like this?
"Moveitfatarseweneedtogetthisbloodymeetingoverwithyouknowtheotherdayiwaitingfor..."
Sally, sorry, Queen Empress Head B!tch So Kelly Marston Dont Try And Shag Martin Now Or I'll Behead You Sally the fifth was the queen of the 16th of the tiny countries, and she was nobodies favourite, if anyone was going to send the meeting into a ditch itd be her.

The room for the meeting was fairly tame by Neydian standards, a large table with chairs of varying sizes and colours, you had to make an effort to not end up on the children's stool or the half broken sofa. The leaders all eyed one another up suspiciously, assessing who to watch out for, the weakling, the snakes. Amongst them all was a maid, with rounded glasses, a cap and an oddly large forehead. She glanced at Sir Greeendown and smirked.
"Why did you-"
"Oi geroff my chair!" Emperor Maximus yelled, snatching the stool away from Princess Penelope.
"But it's not fair!" Penelope wailed "I want the cutest chair! You must give it to me immediately!" Maximus, visibly already exhausted, picked Penelope up by the pigtails and lobbed her out of the window, catapulting her screaming across into the River Whale Liver.
"Well that's one down" smirked Lady Esmeralda from her corner, smugly sipping her tea.
Greendown was less impressed "Your greatness was that honestly necessary?"
"Yes!" He grinned flexing his muscles "I'm strong enough to throw anyone! Even a lady like that! In my glorious land we have no time for the weak or whiny."
"Or deodorant" Greendown said, wrinkling his nose.

Still, it seemed as though everyone was fairly settled, and before Maximus could explain why deodorant went against being a true man he rang a little bell.
"May I have every bodies attention?"
"You may have every bodies attention but you shan't have mine." A rather smartly dressed ruler grumbled, "I see no reason for this pointless meeting."
"Well we need to choose an official successor for our old Queen Neyde," Greendown explained "our islands have fallen into ruin without her."
"Except my area" Esmeralda smirked. Greendown rolled his eyes
"Didnt you nearly drown a whole village in porridge?"
"Yes and now it's the biggest tourist attraction in the area!" She gloated triumphantly "if anyone should rule these islands it should be me."
"You're a psycho!" Allergic Agnes of Allabeth scowled " that porridge could kill hundreds! We need to be more considerate of those with allergies!"
"That's a good point!" Greendown cut in "now who else-"
"Actuallycanisaysomethingihaventsaidanythingyet" Sally said at the speed of a sports car, (she had of course been talking the whole time to Monarch of the Rocks. They had already left out of sheer irritation).
"IthinkladyEsmereldashouldnotbetherulercosshewoswellrudetheotherdayshesaidmyvaginawasflabbyitisntitsjustcosiwassleepingeithkingphilliptheothernight-"
"WHAT" Queen Phillipa gasped at her husband who was hastily beginning to leave.
"You are a terror Sally" Esmeralda scoffed
"At least I'm not old!"
"Who said there was anything wrong with being old?"
"You did when you divorced me!"
"Shut up Jason."
"You really ought to stop this!" Mother Butterfly tutted "have you heard the saying two wrongs dont make a right?"
"Have you heard the saying shut up and f*ck off?"

That did it.
The room fell into pandemonium, Mother Butterfly dropping her peace to slap Esmerelda, and soon the whole room was brawling over the table! Fists flew, insults were yelled, the chairs got so fed up they began walking away.
All the while, Greendown began to quietly cry. All he wanted was for things to return to how they had been, even if he was stuck in the odd and confusing country at least he wojldve had Neyde!
"Oh Neyde" he sighed. Just then a hand came into his shoulder, he spun and looked up. It was the maid. She smiled, a very familiar smile, one from a close friend that you never quite forget. Swiftly, she grabbed him by the hand and lead him out of the room, weaving between the fighting rulers and avoiding the carnage.

The two walked quickly through the corridor, and when she felt as though they were far enough, Neyde took off her maid cap, glasses and let her hair flow out.
"N-Neyde? But how on earth-"
"I can explain!" Neyde panted "I'm so sorry for all this, the magpies made me sign up for a reality show. Only of course for them it meant a show which changes reality" she rolled her eyes "it all backfired of course and I ended up dead, we spent ages in this odd realm shaped like a bell trying to sort out all the paper work with death, and in the end it was only enough to keep me alive, but not to set the country back to normal."
Greendown stared, half thinking she had lost it half thinking he was dreaming.
"It can all be sorted out however" Neyde took out a small flute, smiling softly, "this was the last thing my mother gave me, one of the few times she really showed she cared."
"What on earth does it do?"
Neyde simply grinned, and put the flute to her lips.

She played a short tune, but it was beautiful, the delirium from the other room fell into silence. The song played low notes, but hopeful ones, and for a second or two it was the only sound anyone could hear, wavering and echoing across the castle.
Then silence.
Abruptly a huge explosion came, deep from the core of the earth, a deep boom that shook the islands. Panic erupted from the room, as the castle began collapsing all around, brick and mortar crumbling to dust as floors shattered like the most fragile glass.
In the centre of the seas surrounding the island, a huge statue rose up, blue legs, a red and yellow body shaped like a volcano, and in a small hole in the top, the face of a lady; commanding, yet kind, she smiled down as she came from the waters, whales singing their praises, birds singing in joy.

When it was completed, peace returned.
"She'll keep everyone in order!" Neyde beamed. The room next door silent.
"Sh!t" Sally whispered "I think that's actually shut me up."