The British Commonwealth Realm of Toe-Cheeseland is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Prime Minister Hardie with an iron fist, and notable for its zero percent divorce rate, frequent executions, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, hard-working, cynical, cheerful population of 27.938 billion Brits are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, well-organized government prioritizes Education, although Welfare, Healthcare, and Environment are also considered important, while Spirituality and International Aid are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Manchester. The average income tax rate is 96.2%.

The frighteningly efficient British economy, worth a remarkable 7,359 trillion Pounds a year, is highly specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 263,430 Pounds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

Teenage male videogamers often suffer repetitive strain wrist injuries, time flies when you're not having fun, governments opposing Toe-Cheeseland are beset by rebels, and victims of crime are viewed as less trustworthy than politicians. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Toe-Cheeseland's national animal is the British Bulldog, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is British Civilisation.

Toe-Cheeseland is ranked 1,580^th in the world and 1^st in The British Empire for Highest Food Quality, scoring 304.57 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.