The United Socialist States of The heilge is a colossal, orderly nation, renowned for its parental licensing program, free-roaming dinosaurs, and prohibition of alcohol. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 6.691 billion heilgeans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Administration. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 22.9%.

The very strong heilgean economy, worth 427 trillion francs a year, is quite specialized and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with major contributions from Furniture Restoration, Book Publishing, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 63,841 francs, with the richest citizens earning 5.8 times as much as the poorest.

The poor are forced into bankruptcy by their energy bills, male celebrity chefs are laughed at for their lack of manliness, anti-government political posters adorn every building like wallpaper, and owning a really cute pet is grounds for immediate investigation. Crime is moderate. The heilge's national animal is the rooster, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

The heilge is ranked 17,048^th in the world and 53^rd in Jihad Army of the Emperor for Most Primitive, scoring 83.92 on the Scary Big Number Scale.