The Unincorporated Area of Swaalbard is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Governor of Swaalbard with a fair hand, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, compulsory military service, and avant-garde cinema. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, devout population of 13.285 billion Norwegians Russians Ukrainians and others enjoy frequent elections, which are uniformly corrupted by big-spending corporations buying politicians who best suit their interests.

The relatively small, moralistic, pro-business government prioritizes Spirituality, with Law & Order and Defense also on the agenda, while Environment and Social Policy receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Longyear Town. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 8.6%.

The very strong Swaalbard economy, worth 869 trillion crowns a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Pizza Delivery, Furniture Restoration, and Retail. Average income is 65,419 crowns, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 203,089 per year while the poor average 16,219, a ratio of 12.5 to 1.

Cinemas play art-house movies to ever-shrinking audiences as film critics rule the industry, parents often ask to see a credit report before lending money to their own children, every new toxic waste dump comes with a seal of approval from the government's science advisor, and it is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma. Crime, especially youth-related, is well under control, thanks to a capable police force. Swaalbard's national animal is the polar bear, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Lutheranism.

Swaalbard is ranked 228,418^th in the world and 8^th in 1st Lutheran Christian Community for Most Corrupt Governments, with 1.04 kickbacks per hour.