The Armed Republic of Sprinkler is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Adolf Einstein with an iron fist, and remarkable for its deadly medical pandemics, unlimited-speed roads, and parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 6.232 billion Sprinklerians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order, Industry, and Education also on the agenda, while Welfare and Social Policy are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Purgatory. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 68.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Sprinklerian economy, worth a remarkable 3,445 trillion slaves a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Average income is a breathtaking 552,927 slaves, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 5,146,286 per year while the poor average 5,390, a ratio of 954 to 1.

Employers may fire workers without giving any reason, citizens who don't recite the Pledge of Sprinkler at least three times a day are placed on a terrorist watch-list, the tenet of free speech is held dear, and unwary hikers climbing the bluffs of Mount Purgatory make great practice for foreign snipers. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Sprinkler's national animal is the subhuman, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Sprinkler is ranked 237,943^rd in the world and 7,948^th in the South Pacific for Most Pacifist, with 1.5 Cheeks Turned Per Day.