The Grand Duchy of Retired Greyhounds is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Samy Speckled-spot with an iron fist, and remarkable for its frequent executions, keen interest in outer space, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 25.098 billion Retired Greyhoundsians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Anything Soft. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 93.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Retired Greyhoundsian economy, worth a remarkable 3,859 trillion Kibbles a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Trout Farming. Average income is an impressive 153,766 Kibbles, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 465,896 per year while the poor average 39,474, a ratio of 11.8 to 1.

Senior citizens can usually be found doing heavy manual labour, Retired Greyhounds has one of the largest offshore wind farms in the world, military geniuses responsible for brilliant campaigns are drummed out because they have close same-sex friends and an interest in interior design, and the country is preparing for war. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Retired Greyhounds's national animal is the Greyhound, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is a major religion.

Retired Greyhounds is ranked 15,562^nd in the world and 2^nd in Auxilium for Safest, scoring 116.17 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.