The Holy Empire of Primitivos is a massive, socially progressive nation, ruled by Jô Soares cavernoso with a fair hand, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, ritual sacrifices, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 1.122 billion Primitivos love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cavernas limpinhas. The average income tax rate is 72.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Primitivista economy, worth 139 trillion Coroa Sacras a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Basket Weaving, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 124,357 Coroa Sacras, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government is constantly producing new maps to accommodate the continual renaming of cities, the contraband cigarette trade is lighting up across Primitivos, election officials are delivered in 30 minutes or money back, and tourists call Primitivista beach towns "the fine coastline". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Primitivos's national animal is the Galão de Londres, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Jazz.

Primitivos is ranked 167,227^th in the world and 109^th in Union Brazilian for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring 1,118.66 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.