The Oppressed Peoples of Pathetic Pigeons is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Flappy with an iron fist, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, compulsory military service, and state-planned economy. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 11.865 billion Pathetic Pigeonsians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Spirituality, and Administration are also considered important, while International Aid is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Roost. The average income tax rate is 71.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The large but stagnant Pathetic Pigeonsian economy, worth 191 trillion Seeds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, quite specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 16,151 Seeds, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Morale within the seismologist community has hit rock bottom, loss of the ability to speak is a common affliction of the elderly, a spate of enforced closures has left 'Government FM' as the nation's only radio station, and military spending recently hit a new high. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Pathetic Pigeons's national animal is the Mr Piffles, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Scumbaggism.

Pathetic Pigeons is ranked 52,946^th in the world and 2^nd in The Black Swan Kingdom for Most Patriotic, with 26.24 flags saluted per person per day.